15 Days before shot down 🐷
It was really difficult to keep my eyes open, they were trying to close themselves shut, I felt really tired, because of the lack of sleep I had after playing video games until 4 A.M. last night. Making me get a little late to school, and unfortunately, my physics teacher always arrives 10 minutes before class. After getting a warning from the teacher for the 3rd time this month, I remembered I had forgotten to finish my homework for that same class. But I didn't have the energy to ask anyone for it, probably most of my classmates didn't have it either, anyways.
⁹¾uīæ, the only person I would probably consider my best friend, always hanged out with me after school. I knew it was because he didn't want to go back home with his aunt, who was waiting for him, although I couldn't say I was any different. My single dad was a good man, don't take me wrong. But since he lost his job around a month ago he has been drinking quite a lot. It isn't fun to be around him anymore, like when my mom was still with us. I know this is affecting him a lot, but I think he should notice that the loss has affected me just as much as him.
After "talking" for a little while about how annoying school was, our favorite characters from the game I finished just last night, and more little stupid things. ⁹¾uīæ suddenly got silent, which was kind of weird cuz he was the talkative type of guy. He always needed to do most, if not all of the chatting. I looked at him with a curious expression on my face, trying to make him acknowledge that I wanted to know what was wrong. When he did eventually notice me, he said "My grandmother is going to be taking care of me, we made a plan not so long ago to make it possible without my aunt noticing. The authorities already know about the situation..... It's going to take place this Tuesday"
That was four days from today
"As I’ve already told you before, she lives in another country" he continued "and I will probably only attend the first period of school on monday to say my goodbyes to everyone.. I wanted you to know earlier than anyone else, just in case." starting to laugh awkwardly.
My heart dropped, I knew our friendship wasn't going to last for a long time, but I wanted it to end for a "natural" reason, not like this. It was nice imagining that one day we would graduate together, help and support each other.... I guess we could still do those last two but I knew it would get difficult to do so. We will lose contact after a certain amount of time, because having a long distance relationship is difficult and we both knew that. Which meant this was probably the end of my first long lasting friendship.
Considering he was the person who made me look less lonely at school, maybe it would make me stick out even more in the other student’s eyes if I were to not be seen around him anymore. Rumors will most definitely start spreading. And to be honest, ⁹¾uīæ was someone who made me really happy, his aura was as bright as the sun, I have always thought that since I first met him. Even if he had problems at home he always greeted me with a big smile on his face. I know I will miss that, and also the way it made me feel, of course.
There was not much to be said, and it wasn't as if I could anyways. We tried to move on and talk about other things but it ended up not working so well. We decided to give up for the day and finally go back to our homes.
On my way there, I started to feel some type of pressure on my chest. I was still a little far away from getting to my house so I tried not to think much of it. Once I opened the door, a horrible smell immediately sent chills through my spine. Dad was home. He doesn’t really leave the place much, I pitied him. After my mom was gone he truly tried to get us back on our feet, but things didn't work out for us in the end.
10 Days before shot down 🐽
Yesterday ⁹¾uīæ left, bringing all the sunlight with him. I may be exaggerating a little, but the world got a little darker after he left. We said our goodbyes, and didn't look back. Although I could swear that, as we were parting ways, I saw a tear fall to the ground. Who would have thought someone like me was worth crying for. For some reason that made me feel like laughing.
I didn't feel like going to school today, but I didn't want to stay home either, so while my dad was sleeping on the couch, I escaped.
Five years ago I found what is now my "secret hideout", that is basically just the space under a bridge next to a small river. When I found it, one of the first things I noticed was the heart on the bridge's wall, with the initials "YxH". I hope those two are still together up to this day.
I normally only came here when I wanted to be alone, people don't come here because of the horrible smell the river gives off. I'm already used to it. I will admit though, it is worse than the smell of my house. But it's comforting, in a weird way. Was that weird?
Even though I wanted to be alone, there was not much to think about. I'm glad ⁹¾uīæ is finally not in an abusive household, even if it meant leaving school… leaving me. What was done, is done. There truly isn't anything to be sad about, other than the fact that once again, I won't be able to do tomorrow's homework because I don't even know what it is. And it isn't like I had anyone to ask for it….
I left the hideout after an hour or so. It was getting a little late, but on my way home I noticed that there were little stores out in the city. Making me wonder if we were celebrating anything today. I didn't have any money on me at the moment, but I still wanted to check it out. There were a lot of pretty lights everywhere, decorations, families, friends… oh and food too! Everything looked so good… suddenly I noticed that I was starving. I wanted to try to steal some of the food. Just then, I saw a little girl. She looked malnourished. I noticed her staring at the food too, so I decided not to take it.
A was going back home, and while doing so, it made me kind of sad to see that everything else looked dead compared to the little stores back there. I started feeling sick, and as if I couldn't breathe properly. It got difficult to keep my eyes open when I reached the door. When I did, everything went black.
9 Days before shot down 🥓
When the bright sunlight hit my eyes, it woke me up. I was in my hideout, but this time on top of the bridge. It was really cold, the place was fully covered with snow. A train was coming, the sound it made made me feel uncomfortable for no reason. I stepped into the train, and immediately felt like a lot of lonely eyes were looking at me. I swallowed some saliva trapped in my mouth and continued to ignore the invisible looks I was getting. The train started moving and I got this strong urge to explore it. I went from rail to rail, and as I continued moving forward it got really, really, really dark. I could barely see at some point, and it didn't look like I was getting near the end of the train, so I stopped walking and sat down. The windows made the warm, red light hit my skin. Where were we going? I was starting to feel sleepy and my head touched my mother's shoulder, and I just closed my eyes. I felt at ease.
Beep- beep- beep- beep-
My alarm went off, when I saw the clock I got ready for school as fast as I could. As usual, I was going to be late. I didn't even have time to bother and think about how I even got back in my bed. My first class today was history. To be honest, studying about our ancestors and not about the problems the world is going through right now, was something I wasn't really a fan of. Though I don't think I would be paying attention either way.
When half of my classes were already done, I had some free time. The first thing I did was to remind myself that ⁹¾uīæ wasn't there anymore. I didn't want to unconsciously go looking for him. He would kick me if he knew I did.
I ended up going to the place ⁹¾uīæ and I were always at. Because, why not? A good thing was that I didn't have to share my food with him ever again, but that would mean I would have to eat the things I didn't like. Believe it or not, my father was the one who did my lunch every morning. When I noticed that he started doing it for me, replacing my mother's place, I felt really happy. My dad was never the one who needed to cook in my house, that's why his food isn't really something to praise. But at least he does this and sometimes acts like a good father figure. Rather than just the drunk man who lives in my house, and that sleeps on the couch most of the time. He should really start looking for another job though I’ve been trying to get used to the strange pain I’ve been feeling when going back home, I probably should check that out some time.
Surprisingly, after school I was able to finish all my homework for the next two days, and played video games until 1 A.M. I was waiting for my father to come back from wherever he had gone, but my eyes couldn't keep up and I fell asleep midway through the game.
3 weeks after shot down 🐔
Once I finished taking a bath, I packed my things up. To be honest, I wasn't expecting to go back so soon, even if it was for a little while. And this being the reason was even more shocking than anything else. I didn't want to think much of it at the moment, I was still trying to process everything. Fortunately, my grandma wasn't coming with me, she needs to rest after everything she’s done to help us-... me out of that situation.
The plane was leaving soon, and it wasn't like I was going to be late for any of the events. Although, I still had no idea what I was going to say once I got there, or if I should bring something. I probably should, but what do people bring on these types of occasions?
I was sure that the fact that I got notified was just out of pure luck. I was really far away and I had mostly broken all contact with everyone I knew. But I'm glad they told me, I wouldn't lose this for anything. I needed to be there, and see it for myself.
4 days before shot down 🥚
My dad hasn't come back. It’s starting to worry me. At the moment, it doesn't affect me much, because I did buy everything I needed to eat for this week (I'm the one who buys the groceries), but I’m not making money myself. If he were not to come back soon, I'd probably have to find a job, or else, I wouldn’t be able to survive like this. But I don't want to do so, not because I can't but because that would mean that he...
Yesterday my English teacher gave us a project, we will have 3 weeks to complete it. We needed to recreate a whole new English textbook for a student that will be coming next year. We need to put everything we’ve seen in there, including all of our notes, unique exercises created by ourselves, and blah… blah… blah...
I got paired up with the other two people who didn't have a team either. As long as I can remember, it has always been like this. There was this one time were I was going to cry because no one had chosen me to be on their team, until ⁹¾uīæ saw me and told me to be with him.
Æq³$ is the nerd of our class, the only thing I know about her is that she is really intelligent but she is just too difficult to comprehend most of the time. I really do hope she speaks slower and in an English I understand.
We also were with D⁴98vT, who joined in the middle of this school year (he was new). He didn't talk much either, you could totally forget about him after a day of not seeing him in person.
And then there was the class "outcast", me. For the most part, the bullies at our school didn't pay attention to me because I was fortunate enough to not have any of them this last school year. But my reputation wasn't the best one because of last year's "incident". Probably even D⁴98vT has already heard that story. But for most students, it was like a secret rule not to talk about it, at least not in front of me.
My teacher told us to organize ourselves at break time. And we tried, but communication wasn't necessarily our forte.
I knew that Æq³$ will be making sure we finish the project before the due date. So I wasn't really worried about it.
Summer is getting closer each day, and using a sweater all day every day, was getting more difficult by the second. I knew it would affect my health at some point but I won't stop using it either. Although, since no one is with me when I'm home, I can feel free and fresh there.
I went into the bathroom and looked in the mirror, I had bags under my eyes. I guessed they were for all those times where I stayed late at night playing video games. It was difficult to see in the mirror. Not only because what I was seeing there was myself, but also because my dad had shattered it with a bottle of wine a few weeks ago.
After that, I took as much time as I wanted in the bath, since there was no one to nag me about it. I lost track of time, and when I got out it was already 11 P.M. Tomorrow I will be going to look more into part time jobs I could start working at, so there is no need to go to sleep right now… hehe.
1 Day before shot down 🍳
The week is almost over.. my dad hasn't come back. Did he find another family that would give him more opportunities in his life than I could ever offer? If that was the case, I'm glad he did, but he could’ve at least talked to me about it. I'm going to contact the police tomorrow then. They will probably question why I informed them about the situation this late since he disappeared, which would be troublesome because they might suspect something from me.
I have been searching for part time jobs, it was kind of difficult. Most of the time they wouldn't accept someone my age, or with my "condition". But I was finally able to find one, as a janitor, ugh. The pay isn’t much, though I didn’t really expect anything considering it’s a part time job. But it should be enough for food and other things. I hope so.
Walking to school is really boring and tiring. Tomorrow I'm going to have a physics quiz; I haven't been paying attention to the class these past few days. Hopefully, the quiz won't be difficult and I will be able to pass it with the knowledge I already have about everything else we have seen. School is almost over so I think, even if I fail, it shouldn't affect me much.
Æq³$ has been making sure we get something done from the project, we pretty much already have like ⅝ of it done. That's all the homework I have been doing these past few days. It's a little exhausting really. But I have heard that she is going to London a week before school ends so I understand why she feels the pressure to finish it so soon.
Right now I'm going to the pharmacy for some pills for the headaches I have when going back home. Like my dad isn't there anymore, I can't afford to faint in the middle of the entrance.
It is getting dark outside, it isn't safe to be in the streets alone anymore, I've heard that some people have suddenly gone missing. I doubt my father is a victim of these rumors.. he is pretty strong, and capable of defending himself, after all. Ha ha ha right?..
I asked the man working at the pharmacy if he could give me his strongest dose of pills for my headaches. He looked at me weirdly at first, but still gave me the pills. Fortunately, I had brought enough money on me to pay for them.
I took two pills after I got outside the pharmacy, and walked home to see if the pills work. I have never been able to take pills before because there was no need for me to learn how to take them. I struggled. I felt like they were going to get stuck in my throat. I didn't like that feeling. I wanted to throw them up.
Has it always been this difficult for everyone? Is this how she felt too? Or is it me overreacting again? It was happening again, it was just like when they grabbed me by the neck, the feeling of being suffocated, not being able to breath. Some little tears were falling from my eyes. Hahaha imagine someone dying for such a stupid reason..
I needed this, even if swallowing them hurt just as much as the headaches. After a while, the pill went through my throat. I didn't see anyone near me so I think no one saw the show I just made.
3 Weeks after shot down 🐟
I fell asleep on the plane. I tried not to get lost and to remember how I used to go around these types of places.
It probably took me around an hour to get a taxi, and get to the hotel I was going to be in for some days. Everything looked like I remembered. Well, it has just been like one or two months since I’ve been there, but it feels like it's been forever.
Still having some extra time. I grabbed the money I brought, and went to see what I could buy. Maybe some flowers would be nice, and I will have to buy a black suit too, because I didn't have one.
I was skipping school.. After this I'll need to catch up with everything they did and saw.
Should I buy anything else? Or practice if I were to need to say a few words? Were they really...
0 days before shot down 🍣
The quiz's results are going to be uploaded next monday. I was also able to come with an agreement with my physics teacher about not expelling me because of how late I always came to class. Although, I kind of need to "beg" for her to understand that she isn't going to have to deal with me in just some more weeks, so there was no need to get to those measures.
The police said that they were going to inspect my home, and ask me some questions.
Two police officers were following me into my house; I could feel their eyes judging me literally behind my back. I tried to take my medicine without them noticing, and by that I mean, forcing the pill to go through my throat once again.
I can't believe it took them more than an hour to inspect my little unstable house. But to be totally honest, I would have wished they took way longer, I didn't want the questions to take place.
We sat down, one of them was in front of me and the other was standing up, right beside his coworker. Did they not want me to escape? I was the one who asked them to help me though..
The police officer, whose name I think was Sþæ³, looked right into my eyes and started to ask the questions.
"For how long have you been living on your own?"
"..." I didn't answer. It has been about a week, I think?
To get them to come, I had to go to the police station with a note explaining the problem. I didn't want to make their work more complicated with my egoist behavior, but I just couldn't get any words out of my mouth.
So they changed the question.
"Why do you decide not to talk? Was it because of some family problems or…?"
"..."
A year and a half before shot down 🌅
I used all my strength so that the bathroom's door didn’t open. I lost count of how many boys were chasing me. They pushed, they kicked, they shouted. Everything around me was loud noises, but I couldn't hear anything, I didn't want to.
How long was this going to last? Is my whole life going to be like this? should I just..
The bell rang. Some of them left, but others were still pushing. They were about to break the lock, why weren't any teachers coming? All of those teachers who always were yelling at me for coming late, why weren't they yelling at them?
I hope ⁹¾uīæ wasn't waiting for me again.
When the lock broke, I didn't have any more stamina left. I think I was half conscious. I couldn't even remember why they were chasing me this time.
I felt numb, my head hurt. I didn't want to think anymore, I didn’t care anymore. They can do whatever they want, like always.
I woke up on the bathroom's cold dirty floor.
The sun was setting, it gave the school a nice, calming, and scary vibe.
I cleaned myself up, and walked to my house. My legs were shaking, it was difficult to get outside the school. I didn't see ⁹¾uīæ, he at least wasn't dumb enough to wait for me this long. Although I have to explain to him what happened and ask for him to forgive me.
It was 7 p.m. when I finally arrived home, I was as silent as possible and tried to get to my room without my mom noticing, she was in the kitchen. I didn't see her, but the light was on.
Before entering my room, I saw that the door to my parent's room was open. The light wasn't on though. I looked inside and some things were on the floor. It was weird to see their room in such a messy condition because my mom has OCD (it’s mainly mysophobia).
My dad wasn't in the room, just then I noticed that nothing could be heard from downstairs. Was my mom really in the kitchen? Before I was able to run downstairs, I saw that my room had the light on, but this time the door was closed.
I grabbed the closest thing next to me, which was a pen... a sharp pen, and I planned to use it just in case I needed to defend myself from anything that was inside there.
I rapidly opened the door, slamming it on the wall and pointed the pen to the humanlike figure on my bed. After a few seconds I noticed it was ⁹¾uīæ, wait.. why was he here?
When he saw me, he ran and hugged me really hard, making me drop the pen. It hurt, my body still hadn't recovered from what had happened just some hours ago, but I let him continue because whatever had happened seemed important. Something was telling he wasn't doing it for the way my body looked right now, or at least it wasn't for that reason just yet.
I asked him what was wrong, why was he here but not my parents. He took some seconds to calm down and then he opened his mouth and told me that my parents were in the hospital.
".. when your dad came home from work, he couldn't find your mother." he said in a cracked voice, on the verge of tears "He looked all around the house and found her in the bathroom, around her there were a bunch of pills… I'm sorry"
My legs couldn't and weren't able to keep me up anymore, as if I had suddenly gotten way heavier.
"She had an overdose, s… she…..
We tried to reach out for you but you weren't answering, I could find you, and now that you’re here- you look like this!"
He got on the floor too and continued crying while hugging me harder than before. He did all the crying for me, I was still trying to understand why.
Is it because of me? She always looked so happy when she was around us. Did I miss anything? Was she showing any signs of her feelings this way? Was I too oblivious to notice? Or was she just too good at hiding it?
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm …
My head hurts. So. Much.
0 days before shot down 🍣
After that, you would think the bullying stopped. It didn't, all of them knew, but none of them cared. I started not to care anymore, and just kept silent. I remember that I did scream at the top of my lungs... but my throat wasn't about to do so, only weird-not-complete sounds were heard. My throat got really damaged.
I don't blame my mom. If anything, I should be asking for forgiveness, because I became that one weak and pitiful son of hers.
I decided I was going to communicate with Sþæ³ with a notebook like I did with everyone else. And I proceeded to answer the questions shortly.
If I remember correctly, it has been about a week or so.
It wasn't because of my family, I decided to do it willingly. In the past it became hard to speak, because it hurt when I did.
"Ok. Do you have any idea where your father could have gone?"
If I remember correctly, it has been about a week or so.
It wasn't because of my family, I decided to do it willingly. In the past it became hard to speak, because it hurt when I did.
No, he just wasn't here when I came back from school one day.
"We were informed that your mom commited §ųičįđə about a year ago, is there a possibility that your father would do the same? Was he acting strange before his disappearance?"
I wanted to puke just at the thought of it. I'm not comfortable with these types of questions. Leave.
If I remember correctly, it has been about a week or so.
It wasn't because of my family, I decided to do it willingly. In the past it became hard to speak, because it hurt when I did.
No, he just wasn't here when I came back from school one day.
Maybe, I don't know.
"You have probably heard of cases like this recently, there is a big possibility that your father is related to all of those disappearances, and was a victim of it too."
Leave
"In any case, we will look for him normally for now until we find more evidence.
It might take us longer to find him if he is unrelated to the disappearances, because we need to prioritize the children that also have been going missing."
My head hurts
"Which reminds me, we can't leave you all alone here considering the disappearances, your age, studies, and health."
I need my pills.
"We are going to be transfering you into a foster home until we receive new orders, and more information related to your dad."
Shut up
"Your house isn't very clean and it is difficult to get around properly, but in the bathroom we did find a few cigarettes on the floor all around your father's room and the living room, and some medicine that looked like it's been used recently. Before we get you anywhere, we will be checking on your health as well. By the way, you should really stop using a sweater, it's summer"
…
"There is only a few more weeks until you finish school, this is your decision. Do you want to go through it till the end or do you want us to take care of it so you can finish it earlier?"
I shook my head.
"Ok then, that will be all. We are going to be picking you up tomorrow morning, be ready to go for a check up, and pack up everything you need. Have a nice afternoon."
The two police officers looked at each other and left through the exit.
When I heard the door knob make a click sound, I ran straight into the bathroom and waited, and waited, and waited. The feeling of something being stuck in your throat is horrible, disgusting, you become impatient and at some point you start wondering if anything is really going to come out.
I took 1 pill..
2
3
4
5
6
Or maybe 7
It's funny how I somehow managed to swallow them all in just one go hahahaha. I just wanted to make it stop.
I could hear the train coming..
3 Weeks after shot down 🐟
It's already been two days since I got here, today is the.. funeral.
From what they told me, D⁴98vT went looking for him two hours after the authorities went to check on them, because he was going to check something from the project they were supposedly doing, but they weren’t answering so he gave up.
The next day when the police officers went to check on him, they couldn't find them either, and when they were about to leave, they were able to answer a call coming from the house phone saying that he was coming late to work.
It took them about a day or two to find them laying on the ground down a smelly bridge, it looked like they were sleeping. And they were, they were having a dream from which they would never wake up again...
Apparently the cause of death was the same as their mother's.
Their father hasn't been found yet, not even after his child's death.
When I looked at the body, their mouth was open, I wondered if they had any last words.
Was it because I left him? Was he struggling this much after we drifted apart?
The school later had to be canceled, and the year was finished earlier than it should've been. D⁴98vT also told me that the school finally expelled all the bullies they had, and made sure that their future would be hard for the reputation they had created. In my opinion that isn't enough punishment for what they did, but I can't do anything about it.
And if I'm being honest, I don't think they wanted to kill themselves. It is just too sudden, they acted dumb. I'm pretty sure they had already made plans for the near future. There is also the possibility that they didn't think all of those pills would kill them.
Their bodies looked so fragile, pale and thin as if they weren't eating enough.
Sadly, I can't join them. Not now, and I may be exaggerating a little, but it seemed like the world got a little darker after they left. Although they shouldn't worry, in some years we will see each other again. Hahaha I hope they receive me with open arms.
I cleaned the tears from my eyes, I took a few more seconds to admire the corpse of my friend, and left the place. This time, I didn't look back.
0 Days before shot down 🍣
...I wasn't feeling cold, even if I was surrounded by the white clear snow. It actually felt quite refreshing in some weird way.
I had the ticket in my hand for it this time.
I went in, the doors closed behind me, I looked around and I was greeted by many kind smiles, most of them were from young children; I walked around for a little while and then sat down. After all, my parents were already waiting for me inside.
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